𓆙 Easter underworld journey

The call was subtle but loud, a slow burn of something that needed to die a dignified death. Whisperings of the underworld started to speak to her in her everyday, the dark goddesses gently guiding her into their realms, messages springing forth through visions and dreams.

The timing was perfect- Easter long weekend- 3 days and 3 nights, with no housemates at home, the space to herself to sit in deep self-ceremony and ritual, a death and resurrection of sorts.

She was ready to lay a very old story and belief to rest. A story that had been buried deep in her mind, like a virus, since she was 5. A story she had in her mind of the quality of love that she always settled for…breadcrumbs and over-tolerance of shitty behaviour that was marinated in her hyper-capacity to logically understand everyones behaviour based on their trauma… overly accepting.
No more, no more, no more.

She could feel a depth of sacred rage that had been lying dormant for a century, like a dragon, biding her time to be found under the layers of everything else until it was her time to be set free

The preparations started to come through- with the help of the story of Inanna’s descent, she re-created her own descent into the void of her psyche. She asked the dark goddesses who else wished to escort her into the depths of the unknown-
𖦹The maiden and dark Queen Persephone came forth.
𖦹Hecate, protectress of the cross-roads between realms also showed up
𖦹 and Mary Magdalene of the unconditional love appeared, reasurring her she was always nurtured and protected

𓆸The Friday came around- the day of ‘death’. She lovingly created an alter and opened the sacred space. A male friend came over and drummed her into the void of the underworld where she greeted these goddesses and asked to journey for the weekend, they permitted her quest with glee.

She sat in the depth of her pain and cried a thousand tears

She journeyed to her favourite nature spot, her safe spot to transmute emotions. She had a funeral for her old self and hung her metaphysical body up over the branch of a tree, just like Innana, hanging on a meat hook, for 3 days and 3 nights.

She crawled into the dirt of nature, covered her naked body in mud, into the void, the darkness of the unknown. She lay there, calling on the strength of the dark goddesses to help her to transmute the pain and suffering of 30+ years of a belief, unsure of any other way to be…
The dark goddesses told her she was strong, she was valuable, she was going to be a fierce, yet graceful leader someday, a mother to many and a lover to one.

No more breadcrumbs, no more tolerating, no more acceptance, no more lowering of her standards. From this moment forth, only radical, fierce love with an emotional depth as deep as the Mariana Trench.
She raged as the Earth held her grief and anguish. She raged for her fellow women and her women ancestors. She raged for all the times she never let herself FEEL the rage, but rationalised her pain from their stories and trauma. The mind does a good job at hiding what we dont want to feel…

She re-emerged, as the fierce wild woman she knew she always has been, with sticks and leaves in her hair, growling and howling, with a newly lit fire in her belly. The fire of embodied change. She baptised herself in the creek, emerging with the voice of the goddess as she hummed deep melodies from her Womb wisdom.
She closed the 3 day/3 night ritual the following night with feminine grace and love, calling on Magdalene loving energy and thanking the dark goddesses for their guidance and assistance. She transcended up through the layers of her psyche, reversing the process and reclaiming her sacred items at each gate, just like Innana.
The integration is still occuring, even after a month after this ritual. The words have been percolating waiting to come forth. But i feel deeply changed. I deeply know the standard of love im worthy of, and anything that doesnt feel like that can fuck off

No more, no more, no more needless suffering.